ARIES
Four planets are in retrograde and five are in alignment, which can only mean good things for your next book club meeting.
TAURUS
You will meet a beautiful stranger. They will be fifteen feet tall, have three pairs of wings, and will emanate a soft light. A movie would be a good first date.
GEMINI
Take a long walk into the woods. There’s nothing dangerous lurking in there. We promise.
CANCER
A fairy ring will appear in your garden for the rest of this month.
LEO
As we settle into Spring, be sure to enjoy the weather by sunbathing, going to the beach, and summoning a demon to bring you a bikini body.
VIRGO
This week will include a journey for you. The stars are unclear what kind of journey it will be, so be sure to prepare for all weathers.
LIBRA
Beware of strange figures walking through the mist. They are not what they seem.
SCORPIO
Your lucky colour this month is lime green.
SAGITTARIUS
Your glasses are in the kitchen by the potted plants.
CAPRICORN
…It’s probably best that you don’t know. Ignorance is bliss.
AQUARIUS
There is a car. It is travelling along a road at midnight.
PISCES
The moon is in your house, making communications messy. Be sure to look for the silver linings.

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