GEMINI
There is nothing standing over you. Absolutely nothing. Go back to sleep.
CANCER
Do you like spiders? No? Well, you might not want to look up then.
LEO
You should treat yourself this month. Go see a movie, get some cake, maybe curl up in bed and never leave.
VIRGO
Listen to the bees. They have all the best gossip.
LIBRA
The stars are beautiful. You are also beautiful.
SCORPIO
Your lucky number is: 47. Your lucky element is: surprise. Your lucky mammal is: that raccoon that forages in your dumpster.
SAGITTARIUS
We all know about the skeleton in your closet, and the one under your kitchen sink, AND the ones under the floorboards. You should really give those skeletons a decent burial.
CAPRICORN
The best Christmas gift is a sword. A large, ancient sword, imbued with the blood of countless enemies. But they’re kind of expensive, so, maybe chocolates?
AQUARIUS
Some people will tell you to change your body, but those people are wrong. Your body is beautiful. Your soul is radiant.
PISCES
The ocean is filled with darkness, and many things you do not understand. The ocean is not unlike your mind. You shouldn’t worry about these things.
ARIES
One of your dreams will become true this month. Will be it the one with the gaping jaw, the sound of dripping? Lets hope not.
TAURUS
Remember that you live and learn. You also unlive and unlearn.

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