ARIES
You will meet a tall, handsome stranger. So tall. So very, very tall. Why are they so tall?
TAURUS
Are you really wearing that? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a brave choice, but… really?
GEMINI
Spiders aren’t all bad.
CANCER
How many shadows do you have? Just one? Are you sure?
LEO
Your lucky number is: 87. Your lucky feeling is: immense curiosity. Your lucky organ is: your sister’s nose.
VIRGO
[incoherent screaming]
LIBRA
Simon says: Touch your toes. Lucy says: Remember your keys. Richmond says: That sweater? With those jeans?
SCORPIO
Feeling tired? Lost? Alone? Yeah, me too.
SAGITTARIUS
I wouldn’t look behind you if I were you. Then again, I’m not you, so feel free to do whatever you want.
CAPRICORN
Don’t forget to bring your keys! Or your wallet! Or that floating eyeball in your kitchen!
AQUARIUS
You should tell Richmond to go screw himself.
PISCES
You do the hokey cokey and you shake it all about. The ritual is now complete.

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